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Wednesday, July 20th, 2011

Subject:my knee hurts.
Time:5:43 pm.
Mood: complacent.
it felt a little funny last week. sort of feeble, and getting up and down stairs seemed like more effort than it ought to be, but I figured it was due to succumbing to the heat and being a layabout for a few straight days.

then Thursday when I placed my right foot to the pavement in front of a Trader Joe's, I shock of pain travelled down my leg. sharp as nails on a chalkboard. but the pain came and went, and was only mildly irritating for the most part until sunday night. I was feeling listless and realized I hadn't gotten much in the way of exercise recently. I thought it would help the knee to see some use, and I know a variety of other complaints of mine vanish when I tear myself away from my beloved loafing.

I grabbed Lawrence and we walked from JP to Grasshopper, around Allston and Brighton, and most of the way back.
by the end of this I had to walk with a limp and sort of a pathetic gait. it felt better in the morning, so I biked from Jp to somerville. it actually felt fine for the whole bike ride. it still hurt that day, but not badly.

Tuesday I went to Ogunquit Main with my mom. we did a lot of walking, and it became clear that my knee is made worse by walking, not better. going up hills seems to be fine, walking on flat ground is a tossup, and walking down hill is excruciating. I made her stop at a pharmacy on the way home so I could get some sort of brace, which helps a bit.

all the more reason to start work on my human saddle, I guess. god damnit anyway.

Thursday, July 14th, 2011

Subject:a summer update
Time:12:13 am.
life is strange. I'm past that existencial melt down at this point, but I don't expect that's the sort of thing one gets over. not fully.
I am humbled. my confidence is shaken, but I think I am better for the experience. like a plant pruned of an unproductive branch.

I have renewed energy for involved projects in theory, but I've been lazy about finishing anything. I pin this on A.) I got the wind knocked out of my coddled sails and I need time to recover and B.)

I'm in love.
and I feel ready to be loved completely.

Friday, April 22nd, 2011

Subject:Message from pythondave1975
Time:3:32 pm.

...im attaching my pic let me know if u like what u see?
Hi my name is David and i am a 34 year old single bi white male from
Brockton,Mass. I am 6'2"/240/ short dark brown hair and gorgeous baby
and in good shape. I enjoy the outdoors, sports, traveling, camping,
cuddling, and spending quality time with someone special. Not looking
for any B/S or games, no drama, just be yourself and dont be shy.

Wednesday, April 20th, 2011

Subject:dear life: it's ok to be subtle sometimes.
Time:6:20 pm.
I arrived at work today 15 minutes late, which isn't a big deal.

usually, my client is sitting downstairs when I arrive. there was a young man playing piano which she's mentioned enjoying before. the seats were generously filled with old people, but none of them the old person I wanted. I went up to her room.

all her lights were out, but she greeted me warmly and motioned me into her living room which was getting some light from the window. we talked for a bit. she has dementia that ranges from harmless and adorable to oh god how did they allow me to be in charge of this woman, and today it was bad. she insisted she'd had lunch before I arrived, which for her means she doesn't want to eat today.

she likes coffee, though. I make hers about 30% milk and stick a muffin in front of her while we're talking. she usually eats about half, and for her those few hundred calories count for a lot.
with some food in her, she regained some of her composure, so we went to do some shopping for her.

we stopped at a few places, and finally found one item on her list, a jacket, at sears. at this point, my shift had been over for a while, but I was told specifically not to worry about running over. and I don't mind. she's so appreciative of the company, and I'm pretty fond of her. also, it's an hour away both ways, and I might as well put some extra time on the clock.

I dropped her off and left to pick up my check. when I parked to go into the office, I noticed her handbag in my passenger seat, sighed, got my check and got back on the highway.

the woman at the desk knew exactly why I was there. I went back up to my client's room and knocked.
the lights were on now. she smiled enthusiastically and explained to me what had happened since I left her. using the same even tone with which she'd described the rest of her afternoon, she told me her son just died.

her son has been dying for months, and in a coma for the last week. it took her a minute, but the emotion of what she'd just said caught up with her and I sat with her and her grief for a while. she was glad I was there. I don't really know what to make of this experience, but I think I'm glad I was there too.
1 - +

Friday, April 15th, 2011

Time:6:30 pm.
for the last week, I've been working with a ninety one year old woman who lives in an assisted living community. I'm with her three days a week for two to three hours at a time. my job responsibilities include taking her out for lunch if she doesn't want to eat the lunch provided at the facility, taking her shopping, bringing her to doctors appointments, helping her with daily tasks, and keeping her company.
most of the time I just listen to her talk, and change the subject when she starts to become frustrated with the holes age has burned into her vocabulary.

I'm in my senior year of school and struggling with my animation project. objectively, taking on this extra responsibility was probably unwise, but I think it was the right choice.

I don't find the work depressing, and it's flattering that both my employer and this woman's family think she's in good hands. it gets me out of bed early a few more days a week than I otherwise would. but most importantly, it gets me out of my own bullshit for a while.

like last night, it took me 7 hours to set up lights (stop motion animation project), even with the help of my instructor, just because the space at school is so poor and cramped. I shot 4 seconds, accidentally moved my camera, deleted everything, then I shot 18 more seconds--- but I wasn't happy with it. I came home around one am feeling defeated and pessimistic, and went to bed wanting to cry.

but this morning, I got dressed, drove to the home, and went for a walk with this woman. as she puttered along, and told me all she could remember about her husband and her four children, I started to think

fuck feeling sorry for myself.
I'm young, I have my health, and I have fucking awesome projects on the line. this world is mine, and I need to stop being a baby.
2 - +

Saturday, March 26th, 2011

Time:3:51 pm.
NOTE: don't bother. it's just a guy being gross and me seeing how long it would go on with no encouragement.

March 24 2011

(in a message:)

You are beautiful. May I give you mind blowing sex in the love chair one evening in the office in Cambridge? Chris
Report this
Message from

only if you're attractive and awesome.

I am attractive and awesome. What do you do for work? What does your username mean?

cut for <i>length</i>Collapse )
9 - +

Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

Time:6:33 pm.
from Stereotypology
26 / M / Straight / Single
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Dear Ms. Bishop,

I'm pretty and clever. I can be as dear, sweet, wonderful, and charming as Agent Dale Cooper, or so blunt that rappers smoke me. I'm attracted to you and interested in being your friend, ally, and sexual/romantic partner, not necessarily in that order. Do you think you might reciprocate?


Dear Adam,

I am not attracted to you, so the romantic/sexual partner thing is out. I doubt very much that you are anything like my beloved agent Cooper, but I gave up cynicism for lent, and so await eagerly to see if this is indeed the case.

Pelican Bishop

Well, if you're Catholic, that changes things; how can I be sure you won't try to drink my blood or eat my flesh?

I'm not Catholic, but I like lent.
and you can't be sure.

If you're not Catholic, then why would you drink my blood or eat my flesh? Does it have have to do with those hipster zombies and sexy angst-ridden vampires everyone's going on about these days?

you have much to learn. and maybe even more to unlearn.

I don't recognize that quotation. It sounds a bit like Yoda, but the words are in the wrong order. "Much to learn you have, and to unlearn even more maybe." Though I feel Yoda would go for "perhaps" over "maybe."

it's not a quotation. it's something I am saying to you with words arranged by my own mind to express to you that you should look at the world without assuming you know it.

You are so sweet. It's downright impossible to come up with a witty reply to something so earnest without seeming like a total jerk. Congratulations; I concede defeat. So, what exactly is it that I need to learn?

1. not all people to observe holidays are religious, nor are all people who eat people (emotionally, spiritually, sexually OR literally.) also, not all religious people observe holidays, nor do they eat people.

assuming they are, and in the bigger picture, assuming anything, is limiting your world view. you know?

2. you use the word "hipster", which I have yet to hear used in a meaningful way. as far as I can tell, the best approximation of what it means is one who loudly brandishes a flag of authenticity-- inauthentically, but for the most part people just use it like they used to use the word "fag", or someone I don't understand, and have no interest in coming to understand, but who I wish to separate myself from.

3. I wonder why you thought I was quoting something?

I feel as though you're missing out on my sense of humor. Would you like to continue this conversation in real life?

In a well-lit public place, I mean.

You can bring some of your sharp knives.

all the better to eat you with.


So, what do you say? Do you think you can come to Cambridge? I've lived here for 7.5 years, but I'm really awful at getting around. I can find my way to Widener Library, but that's about it.

I don't know. I'm not really attracted to you and I don't think what we're doing could be described as "hitting it off".

This isn't hitting it off? Well, it's just that I think I can do a better job responding to your comments orally than by typing. I can speak faster than I can type, and I can make use of intonation, facial expression, and gesture in a way that I can't when typing. I suppose I'd just like to feel as though I have communicated successfully. We could talk over Skype; I guess that would make more sense.

So if you'd be willing to talk tonight, now would be the time to let me know. If not, I'll head off to bed shortly. We could always talk tomorrow, if you'd like. Remember: it's Lent, so you can't be cynical.

haha. in truth, I gave up cigarettes for lent.
I did not give up cynicism, nor lying.

I'm not going to talk on skype tonight. I'm going to bed soon.

Okay; tomorrow, then, perhaps. At the very least I can distract you from the agonies of nicotine withdrawal.

So, do you want to talk over Skype now?

you know, no. not really.

Okay; you'd prefer I leave you be?

I think so.

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

Subject:first message from nine_metu
Time:4:10 pm.

Mar 2, 2011 – 10:47am

"I’m a proud liberal who’s too lazy to do anything about it, and watching people fight the man exhausts me so I limit my protests to whiskey fueled debates. I’m an artist who hasn’t created a damn thing in recent memory. I’m a grown-ass man who refuse to grow up. I’m an intellectual who’s only output for that collective knowledge is to spew trivia at people who could care less. But I am very good at doing all the things that feel good until the morning when they feel bad. Oh and the name is Michael. You?"

Monday, February 28th, 2011

Time:2:06 pm.
Feb 28, 2011 – 3:29am

"I'm good-hearted man looking for love do not look for the shape I'm looking for a good heart and a sense of fulfillment I am sincere and I hope to get to know a lot about you and your love of your life and future .. Surely I do not know what is possible in the future I am, a pair for you.
Obviously, you are so beautiful white heart Ok I'm raring to get to know you.
Do not leave me

I want to marry you, I did not unprotected sex never in my life I really need to get married and wish to marry a foreign girl Do you agree, and I admitted I did not never unprotected sex with any girl in my life"

Sunday, February 27th, 2011

Time:7:10 pm.

I punched my teddy bear and it ran away..Can I cuddle with you instead?
you already used that on me
oh well
that is so lame, dude.
you're lame dude
I don't use the same stupid line on anyone let alone the same girl twice.
who caares if it didnt work the first time right? :P
do you see where I'm coming from? lol
well.. you should, maybe?
if your game's stale?
that's kind of a thing

I mean, it's like a 5:1 sausagefest
yeah you siad that too
so why even try, huh?

why out much effort in
yeah, call/text me 262.***.4405 or add me on fb if you wish to get to know me better
why should I do all the work
help me help you :P
on someone who not only used a (bad) line on me that he clearly uses on everyone
but did it to me TWICE.

you're not real to me yet...
why grant you existence?
what would I go for that when, like you said, it's 5:1, and I have plenty of options.
enough said then...
ok so--- your approach is to use a shitty line, and then underscore the fact that there are other options
would you think that's a good idea

if you want to get to know me, I will explain why I'm worth your time
but you have to show that
ok so
text me
if you were cool, you'd just... be awesome.

you can answer that
oh really? :P
you don't "save" awesomeness.
maybe I am to real people...
yeah, but probably not.
you can think what you like...
oh man I am going to continue to do that.
i don't know what else to say...
that's the point, isn't it.
i guess so
if you figure out some things to say, you'll have better luck with ladies.
actually, if you figure out how to figure out what to say.
if that makes sense.

why try so hard w/ fake girls with 10 little dicks poking them a day>
I mean get real...I'm not dumb like your winners
you mean you're not trying
and that's the point.

I could...help me out
that is if you are interested
yeah, actually, I am if you are willing to hear what I have to say
I read what you typed
so-- a line might work if it's really REALLY cute or clever, but not really ever online.
sorry lol
unless the person you're saying it to is already very attracted to you.

please forgive me
no forgiveness needed. but it's not working, you know?

I'll rely on that and fuck the rest...
i do fine
so it is working for you then

it's just this website is smothered w. cock
the dating pool is smothered with cock.
nah not this bad
and with unattractive people.
yeah and females with out of proportion egos lol
and uninteresting people, and unintelligent people

it's OKC!
I am well aware
my ego is not out of proportion. I'm offering you help from a woman's perspective, and you are not taking it.
tis why I go on 2x a week now
who's got the out of proportion ego?
most every female on okc
it's that everyone is snoody, cause it can't be that you're inadequate
good luck out there.

choke on it and I hope you get herpes slutbag ;)
see who sticks around on your ass :P
that's when the fallacy ends!
I'm not too worried about it.
cause my game is flawless in attracting the sort of people I like and admire.
and you have "I punched my teddy bear"
I guess that's 1/2 true for me
you're unwilling to listen, and you just wished an STD on me. and before you even got to know the REAL me too. tsk
haha I told you
you're not REAL to me
tis why I don't feel bad at all abotu it
I don't feel bad about it either.
I'm just observing it be pathetic.

you shouldnt
well my messages were dropped, I'll see what happenes in a couple days
1 - +

Monday, January 17th, 2011

Subject:So Cali
Time:2:04 pm.
SoCali: like your profile what's goin on? ;D

me: That should be two separate sentences.

SoCali:Haha.... yes it should be. Thank you for stating the obvious professor. Are you done srutinizing my typing yet? Or would you like to school on doting my i's and crossing my t's...

me: Dotting my Is. And no. That's what a tittle is, afterall.

SoCali: Hmmm... I don't think I like how smart you are.

me: Ooh. Well good luck out there.

SoCali: Haha... I was kidding smarty pants. I find intelligent people very interesting. So what's up, performing any neuro brain surgery or flying a rocket to the moon today?

me: hahaha. no one's still using rockets.

SoCali: They actual undoubtedly still do use rockets Einstein, they are just propelled differently than models in prior years/prototypes. Nice try though. Perhaps you're not as intelligent as you think. I'd stay in school if I were you, maybe you'll learn something.

me: Right, of course. I meant no one who's anyone is still using a rocket. Anyone worth their salt's going for at-will teleportation, which makes rockets about as obsolete as the memo you didn't get.


At least I'm smart enough to detect a chain yank.

SoCali: Ahh at-will teleportation... You are from this century and relize that's just a theory right? Again nice try. Come up with something real to debate about genius.

Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010

Subject:code cat
Time:12:12 am.
OKC jourals:

More creepy finds on OKC

Dec. 20
So, I was playing with my favorites list, and adding some interesting people to it. To my dismay, it seems we can add people to favorites list without notifying or getting approved from the other side. So in essence, A seemingly harmless feature can be turned into a stalking tool. This, my friends, could get really disturbing.

Food for thought...


me: I guess, but if you're really so afraid of that sort of thing, maybe the internet is not the place for you. if they ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable, you can always block them.

random user: I've had a few I had to block.

guytittlefly: My... so by your logic maybe we all should give in to terrorists' demands because we are afraid of dying as a result of their horrific acts? Perhaps we all should lay down and let others walk all over us unconditionally to avoid conflicts, and that would be your method to achieve world peace? Would you personally want to live in such condition? Do you even realize how utterly ridiculous your suggestion is? Oh wait, you must be trolling. But seriously? Trolling users on a dating site? How big of a handicap do you need to troll? You must be familiar with failtroll.jpg Trolling aside, blocking people or black listing is but a band-aid to badly designed software. And in this post, I'm simply pointing out defective designs. The concept probably gone "whoosh" over your head.

random user 2: hmm..veeery interesting.

me: how is that my logic? how is being in the habit of not posting private information you would not be comfortable with strangers knowing in a place as public as this site even remotely the same as giving into the demands of terrorists? I am not trolling. I am offering advice. while getting crazy stalkers off a site like this would be awesome, and "fair", it's unrealistic. what you can do is limit the information you offer to people you don't know.

me: if you were to post failtroll.jpg in retaliation to my comment, someone would have to make a failfailtroll.jpg, and the internet might implode. is that what you want?
3 - +

Saturday, December 18th, 2010

Time:2:04 pm.
Dec. 7, 2010 – 1:48pm
I'm an animation student as well!
Let's have an animation battle!

The loser will be shred to bits and sacrificed to Moloch

moreCollapse )
1 - +

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

Subject:OKC exchange installment II
Time:8:47 pm.
subject: (No subject)


You are very pretty. To be upfront, I have no interest in meeting anyone in person that I’ve met online. But would you mind if I asked you a few sincere questions that only an utterly clueless male could conceive of in the hope that you answer in a sisterly, brutally honest way?



Thanks! ☺
Quick disclaimer: In case you couldn’t already tell, I’m basically an idiot, especially when it comes to women. Hence the questions…

I guess I’m curious about:
1 – How on earth am I supposed to introduce myself to a girl without it being a completely humiliating and regrettable experience, especially in a bar? What’s an opening that is likely to hold your attention – interesting without being corny?
2 – Is there any chance whatsoever that a girl could be seriously interested in, or attracted to, a guy who is openly awkward around women? Or is feigned confidence the way to go?
3 – How important is a guy’s job or work ambitions to you?
4 – How big was the biggest, um, erm, ‘guy’ you or your friends have actually seen or dealt with in person? (Long story why I’m asking...)
5 – What do you like doing with your mutual, non-romantic male friends?
6 – To what extent is mystery important in a guy? Are guys who reveal almost nothing about themselves likely to hold your interest for long?
7 – Do girls essentially prefer being the more mature and controlling person in the relationship, or do they prefer a guy who ‘knows what he wants’ and all that?

Thanks for all your help ☺

the restCollapse )
4 - +

Subject:messages I get on OK Cupid
Time:4:54 am.
subject: That guy is crazy, also we should be friends.

"I think you commented on a journal entry some guy did that says that he hopes that the wives of cheating men get AIDs, so then the men will get AIDs. I think that's a little counterintuitive but who am I to judge the ramblings of a man who looks retarded when he gets pissed off about the male species looking retarded. It's that kind of positive feedback loop that makes people the wonderfully stable individuals they are today. I guess we have an 85% match, but I'm not very interested in that. What I am interested in is the 80% Friend number and the 19% enemy number. But again, not very interested because these questions that the numbers are based off of are completely arbitrary and ridiculous. ("Are you a scientist or a doctor? Yes, I am a scientist. Yes, I am a doctor. No I am neither.") I looked at your profile and was very sad to see you do not eat most meat. Then I remembered that I don't care what other people do and do not eat because I am not other people and I am not forced to eat whatever they eat just because they like to eat it. It's that kind of freedom that makes the USA the greatest country in the history of the world, excluding the obvious first choice of Heaven. (But really, the USA is as close as you can get lol!) Fake nationalism and possible xenophobia aside, I thought your profile was very "cool" to use a word I haven't used in a while. I also liked your pictures. Let me get this out of the way first. You are attractive, yes. However, I have no desire to make sex with you. When I said I liked the pictures you had uploaded, I mainly meant they looked to me to be a pretty good amalgamation of pictures that could sum you up. I don't really think it's necessary to give you a little sticker for doing your homework so well, but I did think it would be nice to tell you that you seem like an interesting person who is well spoken, not totally brain damaged, and funny. Now please do me the courtesy of not going to my profile because if you do, you will only leave it feeling depressed and more than a little confused."
3 - +

Saturday, August 28th, 2010

Time:3:50 pm.
katie fucking moved all her shit into my room without talking to me about it. she basically left me a voicemail that said "I'm doing this hope it's ok bye".

I understand that I was unreachable. I was on the cape with my Mother, my phone charger didn't work, and there were citywide problems with internet connections (though Temple's phone got facebook once or twice for some reason)

but she's moved into the room I was planning on moving into. a room I have had my eye on and planned on taking for months.
I know she wanted to get it done before burning man, but it's not like anyone's moving in here. there's no reason it couldn't have been packed and stored here until she got back.

meanwhile, the person in the room I guess I'm moving into now can't move until the 31st, so the truck I have arranged for this afternoon with my housemate and the weekend I had planned to devote to moving are useless for me. I'm still going to help Amanda and Christina move, but now I have to make additional plans and devote at least an entire extra day--- not to mention the days in between where I will be living out of boxes--- to moving.

now she's off to burning man and my options are sort something out for next week and just sit with the fact she took my room with absolutely no regard for how I would feel about it and messed up my moving plans, or passive-aggressively move her things into another room while she's gone and has no say.
8 - +

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Subject:gross things you probably didn't know about Ponsie.
Time:6:49 pm.
for the first six months I had Ponsie, she did not clean her back feet. for the first two months, she didn't clean any part of herself.
now-- she spent most of her life before I adopted her with multiple skin/respiratory/eye/sinus infections, so it's understandable that she didn't really pick up the habit... but this also meant that the cuddliest cat in the world was also likely covered in shit and dust.

I cleaned her with a damp cloth when I noticed stuff sticking to her or that she smelled bad, and finally, thankfully, she started doing that for herself. now at long last she's branched out to her back paws.

this development

is the best.

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

Time:10:12 pm.
Seattle so far is amazing. I know very little about the city itself, but I'd have a hard time coming up with a more appealing setting, or more agreeable company.

Lowell picked me up at the airport bout 11:30a seattle time. since there is nothing mistakable about Lowell's general appearance (despite not seeing him since sudbury valley times) I greeted him with a running jump of a hug.
he smells exactly the same.

the car ride home was like being 15 again.

I caught myself maybe 2 hours of sleep before getting up this morning. by the time I was seated on the jet, I think I wore the look of a person the split second they get hit in the head with a pipe by someone they had until that point trusted. all wide eyed and unsure of beliefs.

I accepted the complimentary coffee and instantly fell into pleasant dreams about driving to California, having lovely conversation and taking endless exits that lead to more exits on sort of a slow moving mario cart-like highway. I chatted with the nice woman sitting in my row, and the strange, wide man separating us. the coffee and sun had made me aggravated and dry, and I couldn't really be satisfied by any of the activities I had brought along for the trip for more than 5 minutes for the duration of the flight.

accept at the end. at the end, there were hell of mountains, and lush greenery to wring out my 5 hour flight woes.

when I arrived here, it was sunny and fucking beautiful. Lowell, Vincent and Anna came to greet me and whisk me away to the marina I'm staying at at the moment. it's a junk yard of a place. the last stop for most vessels, but they're doing wonders with it. I knew they were working on a boat, but I had no idea it would be so big, or just how much work they had done on it. thing's downright majestic.

the dumpstering here knocks the socks and skivies off anything on the east coast. there are crates and crates of food and goods downstairs. one of the first things when I arrived here was Nathie handing me a cartoonishly large plate of food (I've been working on it since.)

another nap. this time dreams about riding a forklift around a raining street singing sea shanties, and doing some work on the boat. actually, I think I'll be getting back to that now.
1 - +

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

Time:4:31 pm.
I've had my board. full credit and recommendations I take my act abroad.

time to celebrate by passing the fuck out.
1 - +

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

Subject:dust off those journaling fingers, kid. it's spring time.
Time:5:36 pm.
my review board is tomorrow. this was a very important and ultimately productive semester, but I don't know how it will go. it was this semester that I decided I wanted to focus on animation, and the work that I have done and polished will get me pretty far.

I dropped a figure painting course because if I'm being honest with myself figure painting is never anything I will find more than passively interesting. I continued to paint on my own, and devoted the extra day to working on animation stuff for one or the other of my classes. I've never dropped a class before, but I've also never been in a class that has ended with more than two thirds of the students it started with.

unfortunately, I'm well behind on my stop motion project. my team mates turned out to be incredibly unreliable, and all of the work accept one puppet has fallen to me.
I just hope that my reviewers understands that the semester is not over for me.
I might actually take that class again over the summer, but condensed into five all day sessions.
cause that sounds amazing.

a man on the street is passionately stating the words to Lady Gaga's Paparazzi in a manner that is almost but not quite yelling. JP is once again alive and thriving.

it is beautiful.

I am so sick.
my throat is raw and bloodied from coughing. my nose and eyes are working tirelessly to fill a vessel that does not exist.
I guess I deserve it for making minimum payments on sleep and spending weeks at a time in dark rooms.

a boy I like brought me cookies and ginger ale to ease my fever pains.
it did. it was just as sweet as the treats themselves.

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