Alexandra (apiphobic) wrote,


NOTE: don't bother. it's just a guy being gross and me seeing how long it would go on with no encouragement.

March 24 2011

(in a message:)

You are beautiful. May I give you mind blowing sex in the love chair one evening in the office in Cambridge? Chris
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Message from

only if you're attractive and awesome.

I am attractive and awesome. What do you do for work? What does your username mean?

8:43:10 pm)

(then in an IM:)

hellookcupid1:nice necklace

(8:43:17 pm)tittlefly:thank you.

(8:43:51 pm)tittlefly:so if you're so cool and cute, whyz youz got no infos on ya profile?

(8:44:07 pm)hellookcupid1:I just started it

(8:44:17 pm)hellookcupid1:what does username mean?

(8:44:51 pm)tittlefly:written language bug?

(8:45:13 pm)hellookcupid1:I love your pictures

(8:45:15 pm)hellookcupid1:I am chris

(8:45:47 pm)hellookcupid1:teeach me to draw?

(8:45:48 pm)hellookcupid1:please

(8:46:37 pm)hellookcupid1:your profile is beautiful

(8:46:47 pm)hellookcupid1:made better by harships, nice

(8:47:42 pm)hellookcupid1:may I lick you and be your man?

(8:47:44 pm)tittlefly:thank you.

(8:48:21 pm)hellookcupid1:name?

(8:48:25 pm)tittlefly:man, i'm going to need a lot more information to answer a question like that.

(8:48:36 pm)tittlefly:Pelican.

(8:48:54 pm)hellookcupid1:parents were ornithologists?

(8:49:27 pm)tittlefly:no. everyone asks that.

(8:49:47 pm)tittlefly:not everyone named lily comes from botanist stock.

(8:49:52 pm)hellookcupid1:like fish and diving?

(8:49:58 pm)tittlefly:sure.

(8:50:12 pm)hellookcupid1:what are the necklacesa bout in pic 1

(8:50:34 pm)tittlefly:they are my favorite necklaces.

(8:50:43 pm)tittlefly:my favorite color.

(8:51:52 pm)hellookcupid1:you look like wednesday from the adamms family movie

(8:51:55 pm)hellookcupid1:the actress I mean

(8:52:05 pm)hellookcupid1:nice owl hat

(8:52:15 pm)tittlefly:thanks.

(8:52:21 pm)hellookcupid1:what is horseshoe crab? a beach?

(8:52:24 pm)tittlefly:i get that a lot.

(8:52:38 pm)tittlefly:it's a beasty.

(8:52:42 pm)hellookcupid1:may I bend you over and give to you good while you call me pugsley?

(8:52:51 pm)hellookcupid1:what is a beasty?

(8:52:58 pm)hellookcupid1:did you make the cake inthe last picture?

(8:53:15 pm)tittlefly:no. i bought it after valentines day.

(8:53:25 pm)tittlefly:i couldn't resist the color

(8:53:29 pm)hellookcupid1:were you alone that valentine's?

(8:54:30 pm)hellookcupid1:how did your cat get on your back?

(8:54:47 pm)tittlefly:you're never alone wen you hve cake.

(8:54:54 pm)tittlefly:she jumped up there.

(8:56:17 pm)hellookcupid1:I bake

(8:56:54 pm)tittlefly:what kind of bake

(8:57:05 pm)hellookcupid1:bread

(8:57:08 pm)hellookcupid1:but I can bake cake

(8:57:16 pm)hellookcupid1:and I am mind blowing in bed

(8:57:17 pm)hellookcupid1:and I cuddle

(8:59:14 pm)tittlefly:well I'm mind blowing in bed, I can bake, AND animate AND I HAVE A FACE.

(8:59:17 pm)hellookcupid1:want to try the love chair one evening as we discuss glyphs?

(8:59:42 pm)hellookcupid1:sure sure, that is what they all say

(9:00:12 pm)tittlefly:my thoughts exactly, actually.

(9:00:23 pm)hellookcupid1:about the love chair?

(9:00:37 pm)tittlefly:no, everyone thinks they're great in bed.

(9:00:53 pm)hellookcupid1:I do not like the bed much

(9:01:02 pm)tittlefly:well listen

(9:01:02 pm)hellookcupid1:I prefer standing, the shower or chairs

(9:01:16 pm)hellookcupid1:good kisser?

(9:01:29 pm)tittlefly:that aside, it's not going to happen.

(9:01:46 pm)hellookcupid1:I am a keeper

(9:01:47 pm)hellookcupid1:seriously

(9:01:47 pm)hellookcupid1:though forward at first

(9:01:51 pm)hellookcupid1:I am loyal and very giving

(9:02:06 pm)tittlefly:but are you hottt

(9:02:23 pm)tittlefly:is your shit together

(9:02:27 pm)hellookcupid1:does that matter as long as you are loved?

(9:02:31 pm)hellookcupid1:shit, yes

(9:02:52 pm)tittlefly:do you like worthwhile things?

(9:03:12 pm)hellookcupid1:flowers and peace and cake

(9:04:03 pm)hellookcupid1:I am seriously amazing

(9:04:09 pm)hellookcupid1:and will worship you if you teach me to dra

(9:04:11 pm)hellookcupid1:w

(9:05:41 pm)tittlefly:prove it, though.

(9:06:05 pm)tittlefly:give me something concrete to work with.

(9:06:13 pm)hellookcupid1:got an oven?

(9:06:37 pm)tittlefly:i do.

(9:06:54 pm)hellookcupid1:I will bake you bread and give you a massage while it bakes

(9:08:51 pm)tittlefly:right, but first i have to make an informed decision that telling you where i live is a good idea.

(9:09:05 pm)hellookcupid1:will massage yuor feet

(9:09:13 pm)hellookcupid1:and teach you cards

(9:09:13 pm)tittlefly:why should i do that/

(9:09:23 pm)hellookcupid1:let us take it slower please

(9:09:31 pm)hellookcupid1:just coem for tea (earl grey, etc)

(9:09:42 pm)hellookcupid1:and if you feel cool, we can move to next steps

(9:10:33 pm)tittlefly:wht part of cambridge are you in?

(9:10:58 pm)hellookcupid1:near kendall

(9:11:16 pm)hellookcupid1:you would come to the lounge near the office, a public place and we would sit and talk and if comfortable make out

(9:11:17 pm)tittlefly:eh. ask me again when you have a face.

(9:11:29 pm)hellookcupid1:I can post

(9:11:45 pm)hellookcupid1:superficial?

(9:12:19 pm)tittlefly:pfff.

(9:12:28 pm)tittlefly:that's an ugly people word.

(9:12:33 pm)tittlefly::P

(9:13:01 pm)hellookcupid1:are you a butterfly?

(9:13:20 pm)tittlefly:no, I am human.

(9:13:39 pm)hellookcupid1:than superficial is normal

(9:13:59 pm)hellookcupid1:want my nude first since it is better than just my face?

(9:14:15 pm)tittlefly:does it include a face?

(9:14:34 pm)hellookcupid1:includes a gorgous part of me

(9:14:37 pm)hellookcupid1:then I can send face

(9:14:40 pm)tittlefly:I mean, I probably won't be into the nudeness of it, but I've painted plenty of naked people.

(9:14:49 pm)hellookcupid1:eh

(9:14:56 pm)hellookcupid1:how do you spell ooh

(9:14:58 pm)hellookcupid1:like gross

(9:15:00 pm)hellookcupid1:ewww

(9:15:01 pm)hellookcupid1:ok

(9:15:02 pm)hellookcupid1:ewwww

(9:15:04 pm)hellookcupid1:eww

(9:15:14 pm)hellookcupid1:eww, that is how you spell it, right?

(9:16:10 pm)tittlefly:yep.

(9:16:50 pm)hellookcupid1:eww

(9:16:58 pm)hellookcupid1:do you shave or are you a hairy artist?

(9:17:05 pm)tittlefly:why eww

(9:17:14 pm)tittlefly:usually I don't shave.

(9:17:34 pm)tittlefly:but I do sometimes when I feel like it.

(9:17:44 pm)hellookcupid1:so you have a bush?

(9:18:44 pm)tittlefly:yep.

(9:20:49 pm)hellookcupid1:I love it

(9:20:55 pm)hellookcupid1:I love bush

(9:21:13 pm)hellookcupid1:are you single now

(9:21:14 pm)hellookcupid1:?

(9:21:16 pm)hellookcupid1:any lovers?

(9:21:22 pm)tittlefly:one

(9:22:02 pm)hellookcupid1::o

(9:22:05 pm)hellookcupid1::""(

(9:22:05 pm)tittlefly:was two, but one kind of died down.

(9:22:20 pm)tittlefly:psh. not sad for me.

(9:22:23 pm)hellookcupid1:I can maintain my erection for as long as you want it

(9:22:34 pm)hellookcupid1:just be clean and stay healthy

(9:22:54 pm)tittlefly:I m terrible at staying healthy.

(9:24:30 pm)tittlefly:also, that's a nice trait. congrats.

(9:25:07 pm)hellookcupid1:nice trait fro you

(9:25:11 pm)hellookcupid1:yuo have STDs?

(9:26:48 pm)tittlefly:I haven't been tested in a few months so I can't say for absolute certain, but almost certainly not.

(9:27:01 pm)tittlefly:do you ride a bike?

(9:29:02 pm)hellookcupid1:I ride

(9:29:07 pm)hellookcupid1:height?

(9:31:28 pm)tittlefly:5'4''

(9:31:59 pm)hellookcupid1:may I bend you over give it to you good, then turn you aroudn and cum in your mouth?

(9:34:26 pm)hellookcupid1:pee break, be right back

(9:35:12 pm)tittlefly:you may not.

(9:41:31 pm)hellookcupid1:hi

(9:41:36 pm)hellookcupid1:you do not like cum?

(9:44:07 pm)hellookcupid1:you like tea?


hellookcupid1: hi
hellookcupid1: you do not like cum?
hellookcupid1: you like tea?

I like the implications of cum because I am a fan of orgasms, but cum itself is just kind of bleachy and gross.

I do like tea.

Okay, then you can just watch me cum on your breasts or feel my cock get huge as it cums in your vagina while I wear a rubber.

When you visit for tea?

depends on when you grow a face.

Come get licked soon, you will love it. I can maintain my erection for as long as you want it.
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you said that. don't care. already got one.


(11:54:35 pm)hellookcupid1:hi

(11:54:54 pm)hellookcupid1:you there?

(11:55:12 pm)hellookcupid1:I can post a pic if you are there

(12:01:44 am)tittlefly:I'm here

(12:04:26 am)hellookcupid1:you ok?

(12:06:29 am)hellookcupid1:I am about to post

(12:06:30 am)hellookcupid1:ok?

(12:06:37 am)hellookcupid1:take a look

(12:06:56 am)hellookcupid1:?

(12:07:15 am)hellookcupid1:well?

(12:10:35 am)tittlefly:haha

(12:10:46 am)tittlefly:where is that?

(12:11:45 am)hellookcupid1:in the south

(12:12:30 am)hellookcupid1:want my nude?

(12:13:11 am)hellookcupid1:you there?

(12:13:33 am)tittlefly:eh

(12:13:36 am)tittlefly:I mean, not really.

(12:13:51 am)hellookcupid1:I want to make out with you

(12:14:23 am)hellookcupid1:good kisser?

(12:14:35 am)tittlefly:I'm not attracted to you.

(12:14:41 am)hellookcupid1:so?

(12:14:54 am)hellookcupid1:I will wear a bag

(12:15:23 am)hellookcupid1:my cock is worth it

(12:16:37 am)hellookcupid1:and my bread is amazing

(12:16:41 am)hellookcupid1:got to go to bed

(12:16:45 am)hellookcupid1:bye

(12:16:49 am)tittlefly:bye

(12:16:57 am)hellookcupid1:licks

(another message:)
I want us to be together and see if we can be a couple. The picture was bad, I am better in person. When can you visit to sit in the chair and have tea? Chris

you don't know me. we can't be a couple.

let us get to know each other, why being such a weirdo?
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hahaha. yep. it's all me being weird. fuck yourself.
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Between you an Amy, staving off Xeno-misanthropy has become something of a task. I've gotten some really charming and very nearly touching missives on OKC recently. When I lay comparison to these horror-show messages, I can't help but appreciate them all the more.

The next time something sweet wafts your way from out in the Net, will you post it for us?
it's not all a horror show, I've just had so many people say to me at this point "you must get a lot of crazy messages, huh?" and I used to say "man, you got now idea." but now I just send them a link. I consider it public service.

I can post some cute conversations too if you like.
It won't lie, it'd make me smile.
Also, are you still laid up at home with the lurgy? I have SO MANY things for SO MANY humans in your house.
I'm not. fortunately I'm feeling much better. but I *am* at home working on hats.
if you want to drop by, I'd be thrilled for the company!
I just need to get enough GRE study done that I don't hate myself for taking a break.

You'll be my carrot.

I'll call if I wind up working reasonably hard enough.
I'm getting offline, though. this shit's distracting. callifya comminovah.
Ugh. Srsly. Too much OKC, not enough GRE.