Alexandra (apiphobic) wrote,


from Stereotypology
26 / M / Straight / Single
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Dear Ms. Bishop,

I'm pretty and clever. I can be as dear, sweet, wonderful, and charming as Agent Dale Cooper, or so blunt that rappers smoke me. I'm attracted to you and interested in being your friend, ally, and sexual/romantic partner, not necessarily in that order. Do you think you might reciprocate?


Dear Adam,

I am not attracted to you, so the romantic/sexual partner thing is out. I doubt very much that you are anything like my beloved agent Cooper, but I gave up cynicism for lent, and so await eagerly to see if this is indeed the case.

Pelican Bishop

Well, if you're Catholic, that changes things; how can I be sure you won't try to drink my blood or eat my flesh?

I'm not Catholic, but I like lent.
and you can't be sure.

If you're not Catholic, then why would you drink my blood or eat my flesh? Does it have have to do with those hipster zombies and sexy angst-ridden vampires everyone's going on about these days?

you have much to learn. and maybe even more to unlearn.

I don't recognize that quotation. It sounds a bit like Yoda, but the words are in the wrong order. "Much to learn you have, and to unlearn even more maybe." Though I feel Yoda would go for "perhaps" over "maybe."

it's not a quotation. it's something I am saying to you with words arranged by my own mind to express to you that you should look at the world without assuming you know it.

You are so sweet. It's downright impossible to come up with a witty reply to something so earnest without seeming like a total jerk. Congratulations; I concede defeat. So, what exactly is it that I need to learn?

1. not all people to observe holidays are religious, nor are all people who eat people (emotionally, spiritually, sexually OR literally.) also, not all religious people observe holidays, nor do they eat people.

assuming they are, and in the bigger picture, assuming anything, is limiting your world view. you know?

2. you use the word "hipster", which I have yet to hear used in a meaningful way. as far as I can tell, the best approximation of what it means is one who loudly brandishes a flag of authenticity-- inauthentically, but for the most part people just use it like they used to use the word "fag", or someone I don't understand, and have no interest in coming to understand, but who I wish to separate myself from.

3. I wonder why you thought I was quoting something?

I feel as though you're missing out on my sense of humor. Would you like to continue this conversation in real life?

In a well-lit public place, I mean.

You can bring some of your sharp knives.

all the better to eat you with.


So, what do you say? Do you think you can come to Cambridge? I've lived here for 7.5 years, but I'm really awful at getting around. I can find my way to Widener Library, but that's about it.

I don't know. I'm not really attracted to you and I don't think what we're doing could be described as "hitting it off".

This isn't hitting it off? Well, it's just that I think I can do a better job responding to your comments orally than by typing. I can speak faster than I can type, and I can make use of intonation, facial expression, and gesture in a way that I can't when typing. I suppose I'd just like to feel as though I have communicated successfully. We could talk over Skype; I guess that would make more sense.

So if you'd be willing to talk tonight, now would be the time to let me know. If not, I'll head off to bed shortly. We could always talk tomorrow, if you'd like. Remember: it's Lent, so you can't be cynical.

haha. in truth, I gave up cigarettes for lent.
I did not give up cynicism, nor lying.

I'm not going to talk on skype tonight. I'm going to bed soon.

Okay; tomorrow, then, perhaps. At the very least I can distract you from the agonies of nicotine withdrawal.

So, do you want to talk over Skype now?

you know, no. not really.

Okay; you'd prefer I leave you be?

I think so.
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